An Heir and a Spare?

No, this is not a second-pregnancy announcement – I am just at the stage where I am thinking about whether I can have another one.

My boy is turning one in just over a week.

Most people seem to link single mothers by choice with just the one child – like we have achieved all we wanted with that one child. But: as amazing and wonderful as it is to have a child, I have always wanted two children – preferably one of each sex, but I would be stoked to have two boys (or two girls).

The assumption, I think, is that it is weird enough to make one baby by oneself – why would one put oneself through having two!

But there are several pros to having two children as a single mother – the main one being that this gives my eldest (currently my only) another member of his immediate family – not just me. It would provide him with an ally when he needs to complain about me (and a co-conspirator when planning breakfast in bed for his darling mother on Mother’s Day). And it would give them both playmates and back-ups for major life events. A two-person family is a lonely future to consider (not that there is anything wrong with it – I just believe that for me, personally, it would be lovely to be three people [or four or more, if I ever meet a man {with or without kids of his own}]).

My son does have family in his grandparents and uncle and aunts, not to mention an extended family of great-aunts and -uncles and cousins and family friends. But this is not the same as a sibling. I consider myself very lucky to have a brother and a sister – they are both very special to me, and it would be sad to not provide my son with a similar relationship.

Of course, there are cons as well – MONEY, TIME, lack of sleep for even more years. I think these are not insurmountable, though.

So: I had my blood drawn yesterday for an AMH test, to check my fertility levels. I am still breastfeeding and my periods have not yet returned, so this is not an immediate thing.

Once I have that test result, I can think about how long I can wait (fertility-wise), and then the next step is to make an appointment with Fertility Associates again (they are less available here in New Plymouth than in Auckland – only one day a month, I think! And the procedures themselves are all done in Hamilton!). I still have some savings from the first go around, and when I quit my job I got access to some of my super fund (only a very small part of it), which I plan on using for this.

I may need to do IVF this time around (as I am likely to be 39-40 by the time I get started), which is hella expensive. But I guess that is something that FA will advise me about. I hope it will only be necessary to do IUI again – I don’t have unlimited funds…

Timing-wise, I need to factor in: my fertility, my mother’s age (and thus ability to help), and my plans to study – I want to do a Master’s degree in history, and may need to do undergrad and postgrad papers before I can get on to the thesis part, and I will only be able to study part-time, so that will take a total of 2-3 years to achieve. Chances are I will have to start study, then pause to have the second baby, then continue studying after the second baby is one or so.

I still have five vials of the original donor’s sperm, so this would be a full sibling for my son.

Anyway – these are the plans. Scary! It really depends on the second child as to whether this will be twice as hard, 1.5 times as hard or 2.5 times as hard… And hopefully my private parts will withstand the birth a bit better this time around! If I even CAN get pregnant again (what with my age and limited funds).

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